New Thinking Needed on Helping Kids Avoid or Cope with Homesickness

Newly published report gives children's doctors and parents specific guidance for helping kids deal with summer camp, hospitalization and other separations

ANN ARBOR, MI — A new report urges parents and children's doctors to change their thinking about homesickness among children, to see it as a nearly universal but highly preventable and treatable phenomenon — rather than an unavoidable part of childhood.

The report, published in the journal Pediatrics, gives parents and physicians specific guidance to help anticipate and lessen the distress that homesickness can cause among kids and teens at summer camps, hospitals, boarding schools and colleges.

The paper's authors are a clinical psychologist at one of the nation's leading boarding schools, Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire, and a University of Michigan physician who specializes in camp health issues. They're also old friends who first met at summer camp more than 25 years ago.

It's the first time that the evidence about homesickness prevention and treatment, which has been gathered through years of psychological studies, has been presented for pediatricians and family doctors to use.

The authors and the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on School Health that sponsored the report hope that those physicians will add homesickness counseling to children's camp and school physicals, and to the care of hospitalized children. They also point out special issues for children who have attention deficit disorder or developmental issues — for example, the importance of continuing the use of medications for those conditions while at camp and not taking a "drug holiday."

"For over 100 years camps and schools have patted homesick kids on the back, tried to keep them busy and hoped it will go away," says lead author Christopher Thurber, Ph.D., the staff psychologist at Exeter, research consultant to the American Camp Association and author of a camp handbook for parents. "But research shows that it's healthier, and more effective to think about prevention. This report aims to get the message to parents and those who are taking care of kids before they go to camp."

One of the basic tips for parents and doctors is to talk to kids ahead of any separation, whether it's for camp, college or a hospital stay of even a few days.

"What parents say – and what pediatricians say — beforehand matters, and is very important for the intensity of homesickness," says Edward Walton, M.D., a U-M Health System assistant professor of emergency medicine and pediatrics who serves on the board of the American Camp Association (ACA) and was lead author of a 2005 AAP guideline on summer camp health that was produced in conjunction with the ACA.

One of the most important things for parents and doctors to recognize, and to say to kids before any separation, is that it's normal, not strange, to feel homesick. In fact, research has shown that 90 percent of children attending summer camp feel some levels of homesickness and that 20 percent face a serious level of distress that — if untreated — worsens over time and interferes with their ability to benefit from a camp experience.

Thurber's recent research compared the effectiveness of key preparation tools to camps' standard preparation. The results showed that a combination of coaching parents and educating children about effective coping actually lowered the intensity of first-year campers' homesickness by 50 percent, on average. 

ACA now publishes a DVD-CD set "The Secret Ingredients of Summer Camp Success" that makes these evidence-based homesickness prevention strategies publicly available for the first time. It also makes information available to parents online, as part of its effort to preserve, promote and enhance the camp experience for children and adults. ACA is also the only national organization that accredits camps, who must meet up to 300 health and safety standards to gain accreditation through the ACA.

In children whose separation from their parents is sudden and unplanned, such as hospitalization, as many as half experience moderate to severe levels of homesickness that can interfere with their functioning. In fact, Thurber says, special care needs to be taken with children who are hospitalized for an indefinite amount of time, because even a casual remark by a physician or nurse about when the child might be able to go home can cause severe distress and even interfere with care if that date arrives and the child is still in the hospital.

For more routine separations, such as the one million children who go away to school or the 12 million who attend residential (overnight) camp each year, homesickness can get in the way of the important character-building lessons that these experiences bring.

Some of the tips for parents and children's doctors:

• Involve children in the decision to spend time away from home, so that children have a sense of control.
• Tell children that homesickness is normal, but that they can use strategies like writing letters home, sharing their feelings with other people, and thinking about all the good things that camp or school is giving them, to help ease their worry.
• Arrange for a practice time away from home, such as a two- or three-day stay with relatives. If a child has reached high school without having gone to summer camp or more than a night away from home, this is especially important to prepare them for college or independent life.
• Practice writing letters, and supply pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes and paper before the child leaves home.
• Work with the child to learn about the camp, school, or hospital ahead of time, so they know what to anticipate.
• If possible, try to introduce them to other campers, counselors or teachers ahead of time. A familiar face can make all the difference in the adjustment to a new environment.
• Encourage kids, even older teens heading off to college, to make friends with others and seek out trusted adults to connect to.
• Before the separation, don't make comments that express anxiety or ambivalence about the child going away. Even "I hope you'll be okay" or "what will I do without you" can leave a child worried that something bad might happen to them or their parents, and make them preoccupied with thoughts of home.
• Use a calendar to show exactly the amount of time a child will be away, if that's known. Predictability and perspective on the length of separation is important whenever possible.
• Don't make a "pick up plan" or a deal with a child to bring he or she home if they don't like the experience of being away. This undermines the child's sense that their parents have confidence in their ability to be on their own, and set an expectation that they won't like the new experience.
• Warn children against keeping feelings of homesickness to themselves, doing something "bad" in order to get sent home or trying to escape.
• If your child takes medicine for attention, behavior or psychological conditions, don't use camp as an excuse to take a "drug holiday." Make sure that they, and the camp's nurse or counselors, know their medication schedule and the importance of sticking to it.
• If your child has special medical needs, such as diabetes or asthma, make sure that the camp or school they'll be going to has staff who knows how to handle day-to-day care and emergencies. Parents who have managed their child's care intensely can have an extra hard time giving up that control, and children can sense that anxiety.
• Above all, know whether your child is really ready for a separation. If you're not sure, ask their doctor – but not while the child can hear the conversation.

All in all, summer camp and other separations from home can be great "life training" experiences for children, building their independence and teaching self-reliance and social skills that they'll use throughout life, says Walton and Thurber, who met when they were boys at the YMCA's Camp Belknap on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, and worked there together this past summer.

Ultimately, they says, parents and pediatricians must work together to help children prepare for and cope with separations, while camp directors, boarding school staff, hospital Child Life specialists and others can help treat homesickness once it arises.

This article and others like it can be found on ACA New England - http://www.campparents.org/new-thinking-needed-helping-kids-avoid-or-cope-homesickness

Homesickness — Expert Advice for Parents

This summer, millions of children will get their first taste of independence at a summer resident camp. For many, it will also be their first experience with homesickness. But parents don't have to feel helpless when homesickness strikes. The prescription for camper homesickness is a simple solution of preparation and patience.

Phillips Exeter Academy psychologist Dr. Christopher Thurber studied homesickness in 329 boys between the ages of 8 and 16 at resident camp. According to his results, homesickness is the norm rather than the exception. A whopping 83 percent of the campers studied reported homesickness on at least one day of camp.

Thurber and the American Camp Association (ACA) suggest the following tips for parents to help their child deal with homesickness at camp:

• Encourage your child's independence throughout the year. Practice separations, such as sleepovers at a friend's house, can simulate the camp environment.
• Involve your child in the process of choosing a camp. The more that the child owns the decision, the more comfortable the child will feel being at camp.
• Discuss what camp will be like before your child leaves. Consider role-playing anticipated situations, such as using a flashlight to find the bathroom.
• Reach an agreement ahead of time on calling each other. If your child's camp has a no-phone-calls policy, honor it.
• Send a note or care package ahead of time to arrive the first day of camp. Acknowledge, in a positive way, that you will miss your child. For example, you can say "I am going to miss you, but I know that you will have a good time at camp."
• Don't bribe. Linking a successful stay at camp to a material object sends the wrong message. The reward should be your child's new found confidence and independence.
• Pack a personal item from home, such as a stuffed animal.
• When a "rescue call" comes from the child, offer calm reassurance and put the time frame into perspective. Avoid the temptation to take the child home early.
• Talk candidly with the camp director to obtain his/her perspective on your child's adjustment.
• Don't feel guilty about encouraging your child to stay at camp. For many children, camp is a first step toward independence and plays an important role in their growth and development.
• Trust your instincts. While most incidents of homesickness will pass in a day or two, Thurber's research shows that approximately seven percent of the cases are severe. If your child is not eating or sleeping because of anxiety or depression, it is time to go home. However, don't make your child feel like a failure if their stay at camp is cut short. Focus on the positive and encourage your child to try camp again next year.

• New Thinking Needed on Helping Kids Avoid or Cope with Homesickness
• The Secret Ingredients of Summer Camp Success
  by Dr. Christopher Thurber
  This DVD is every new camper family's roadmap to less homesickness and more fun.

http://www.campparents.org/homesickness

Talking about Camp with Your First-Time Camper

Posted: May 20, 2013 Credit to http://www.acacamps.org/blog/parents-place/talking-about-camp-your-first-time-camper

You’ve done your research, worked as a family to find the right camp for your child’s experience, and signed up your camper for the experience of a lifetime! Naturally, leading up to the big “First Day of Camp,” he or she might have questions, just like the first day of school. Encourage your child to talk about his or her feelings, and use this guide for talking about camp with your first-time camper!

Who will be my friends?
Reassure your camper that camp is all about making new friends! Some campers know each other from past summers or from school, but many come to camp in order to meet new friends. Camp counselors will help him or her make friends the very first day of camp. It's nice to have winter friends and summer friends — other kids with whom your camper shares special experiences.

Who will help me have fun at camp? How do they know how to care for me?
Group or bunk counselors are selected because they love working with kids. In fact, counselors are one of the best parts of camp! They are trained before camp begins to help campers have a good time, make new friends, and enjoy a variety of activities. Their job is to help campers have fun, be safe, and know their limits. They spend a lot of time before camp learning to do all these things for campers. And they love to have fun, too!

What if I have a problem?
There are lots of people at camp, besides counselors, to help take care of campers, depending on what they need. Let campers know that there is a nurse or a doctor if they don't feel well, and a special place, sometimes called a health center, to rest until they are better. Campers can count on the grownups that are at camp to help them with any problem they may have.

Will I be alright while I’m away from home?
Remind your camper of other times in his or her life that were spent away from home — sleepovers, a weekend a grandma’s, or even class trips. There’s no pressure to be anything but yourself at camp! The main point is just to relax and have fun. Remember to stay excited and positive about the camp experience. Talking at length about how much you will miss your camper can increase his or her anxiety. BONUS: Send a familiar object, such as a stuffed animal or blanket, with your camper. Send a letter or card in advance for your child to have the first day of camp.

For more tips on preparing for camp, visit www.CampParents.org.

Photo courtesy of Camp Kupugani, Leaf River, Illinois

Summer Camp: Can It Make Kids More Responsible?

By Erika Christakis July 10, 2012

There aren’t a lot of Harvard students who’ve worked as camp counselors, but I can usually spot them: they have a combination of flexibility and interpersonal savvy that makes them good leaders. I always thought that the kind of person who chooses to be a camp counselor is likely already an affable and mature person. But many educators have come to recognize that summer camp, and specifically being a counselor, fosters precisely the skill that we value so highly in young adults: taking responsibility. Caring for younger children helps teenagers learn how to be more mature themselves.

(MORE: Erika Christakis and Nicholas A. Christakis: Is Empathy the New Scapegoat?)

Interaction within mixed-age groups is increasingly rare, undoubtedly a by-product of our “overprogrammed child” culture, with soccer leagues even for preschoolers who can’t find the goalpost. Girls can still gain this valuable experience through babysitting (though it seems like fewer girls are taking on such work), but for boys it is much harder. As Michael Thompson, the author of Raising Cain, pointed out recently at the Aspen Ideas Festival, teenage boys face something of a Catch-22 in that adults are reluctant to give an immature teenage boy responsibility for the young kids who would help him mature. Overnight summer camps provide just such a mentoring opportunity through an incremental leadership pathway that enables teenagers, usually starting at age 14 or 15 as counselors in training, to assume increasing levels of responsibility for kids.

Peter Swain, executive director of YMCA Camp Fuller, in its 125th year serving youth on the shores of Rhode Island and one of the oldest camps in the nation, is explicitly aware of this learning opportunity. “Seeing young, anxious campers grow into confident, capable leaders is why I have continued to do this job,” he says. “It’s great to see camp staff carry their camp values into their college and working life — it really means that the work of camp has meaning to society.” As Swain notes, “The path from camper to young staff is well-worn and thus clear to follow. And the role models are obvious and always there to see.”

(MORE: How ‘Kidsick’ Parents Stay Connected (Obsessively) with Their Kids in Summer Camp)

Camps also provide a safe place for young staff to make mistakes without dire consequences. One of my sons, for example, now 17, learned to windsurf at camp, where he joined a special leadership track for senior campers in his final year. He returns to camp this summer as a junior counselor, teaching windsurfing to younger children. The gravity of supervising children in open water is not lost on him, but he feels up to the task because he’s surrounded at all times by senior staff and he knows the water and equipment well. There are few other situations where a young adult can take on a serious leadership role with as much responsibility and careful guidance as in a camp.

A study of 4-H camp counselors in Ohio (some as young as 14) showed increased leadership skills and improved motivation to stay in school and plan for the future. Many of the counselors were also able to learn from unsuccessful strategies they tried, like the fact that simply yelling at children doesn’t necessarily make them compliant.

Traditional summer camps do such a great job of supplementing the work of parents and schools that we often miss the complexity of what they’re up to. Some people think of camp counseling as a frivolous endeavor, something for big kids who can’t quite cut the umbilical cord of childhood. The stepwise leadership structure — which virtually guarantees high percentages of alumni staff — can create the impression that camp jobs are not real work on par with college internships in the financial industry or working in a lab but something more like a nostalgic hobby. Even high school students worry that a summer-camp job isn’t substantive enough to put on a college application.

(MORE: The Agony of Forging the Perfect Summer-Camp Schedule for Kids)

But if we are serious about developing young leadership, we should get over these parochial views and take steps to make camp counseling more common. We should consider a tax credit or financial aid for counselors who might otherwise take a better-paying job. And employers and college-admissions officers need to hear how the camp-counselor experience prepares successful young adults through teamwork, empathy, cross-cultural understanding, ability to work with subordinates and superiors, creativity, working under pressure and managing with limited resources.

In most societies throughout history, older children have always cared for younger children. The anthropologist Margaret Mead called caretaking a “pivot” role: a person doing something for someone else that was once done for him or her. As she trenchantly noted: “Just as a child is getting old enough so that its willfulness is becoming unbearable, a younger one is saddled upon it … each child being disciplined and socialized through the responsibility for a still younger one.” Among all the foregoing benefits, here’s yet one more: camp counselors may come to appreciate their parents’ hard work too.

MORE: The Purpose-Driven Summer Camp 

Erika Christakis @erikachristakis

Christakis, M.P.H., M.Ed., is an early childhood educator and Harvard College administrator who blogs at ErikaChristakis.com. The views expressed are solely her own.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/07/10/aummer-camp-can-it-make-kids-more-responsible/#ixzz2VL9whuD0

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Say hello to Ted and Bill.

On a working farm, every animal has a job to do. Just as we think carefully before adding human staff, we also deliberate carefully before adding to our animal “staff.” 

But sometimes, we make exceptions. 

Last week, the farm got an emergency call about farm animals who needed a new home where they could immediately receive proper care and attention. 

Bill filling up on fresh hay

Boo and Kris Young visited these animals and made an on-the-spot hiring decision: Bill the goat and Ted the sheep were coming to Touchstone Farm.

The two buddies now share a box stall in the outside barn while they await some vet care and neutering. Eventually, they’ll join Morgan the sheep and Kiwi the goat in the small animal barn and paddock. 

The farm cannot usually take on rescue animals. But, like Bill and Ted, they sometimes come our way. Kris once found 80 (80!) chickens abandoned by the side of the road. She found homes for 77, and kept three laying hens for the farm.

Thundercat supervising during
the National Day of Service

This summer, Thundercat showed up one day and appointed himself Head Greeter. 

Thundercat, so named because his coat is the color of thunderclouds, was a big hit with Pony Farm campers and instructor training candidates of the Horse Power Instructor Training School. He patrols the property, introduces himself to everyone he meets, and escorts them to their destination. 

For now, Bill and Ted are luxuriating in their deep bed of clean shavings and are eating and drinking their fill. We’re looking forward to seeing them put on weight and shed the traces of previous neglect.

Ted is just as sweet as he looks.

Both are very friendly. We think they’ll be excellent in their jobs on the small animal team and can’t wait till they’re ready for “work.”

Why you should come to Pony Farm Open House, Sunday January 6, 2013 1 - 4

A Father's Explanation of Why He Had Horses for His Children

by Christy Anderson on Monday, December 3, 2012 at 1:58pm ·

A Father's Explanation of Why He Had Horses for His Children (borrowed from a facebook posting)

My daughter turned sixteen years old today; which is a milestone for most people. Besides looking at baby photos and childhood trinkets with her, I took time to reflect on the young woman my daughter had become and the choices she wouldface in the future.

As I looked at her I could see the athlete she was, and determined woman she would soon be. I started thinking about some of the girls we knew in our town who were already pregnant, pierced in several places, hair every color under the sun, drop outs, drug addicts and on the fast track to no-where, seeking surface identities because they had no inner self esteem. The parents of these same girls have asked me why I "waste" the money on horses so my daughter can ride. I'm told she will grow out of it, lose interest, discover boys and all kinds of things that try to pin the current genera-tion' s "slacker" label on my child. I don't think it will happen, I think she will love and have horses all her life.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has compassion. She knows that we must take special care of the very young and the very old. We must make sure those without voices to speak of their pain are still cared for.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she learned responsibility for others than herself. She learned that regardless of the weather you must still care for those you have the stewardship of. There are no "days off" just because you don't feel like being a horse owner that day. She learned that for every hour of fun you have there are days of hard slogging work you must do first.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she learned not to be afraid of getting dirty and that appearances don't matter to most of the breathing things in the world we live in. Horses do not care about designer clothes, jewelry, pretty hairdos or anything else we put on our bodies to try to

 impress others. What a horse cares about are your abilities to work within his natural world, he doesn't care if you're wearing $80.00 jeans while you do it. -

Because my daughter grew up with horses she understands the value of money. Every dollar can be translated into bales of hay, bags of feed or farrier visits. Purchasing non-necessities during lean times can mean the difference between feed and good care, or neglect and starvation. She has learned to judge the level of her care against the care she sees provided by others and to make sure her stan-dards never lower, and only increase as her knowledge grows.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned to learn on her own. She has had teachers that cannot speak, nor write, nor communicate beyond body language and reactions. She has had to learn to "read" her surroundings for both safe and unsafe objects, to look for hazards where others might only see a pretty meadow. She has learned to judge people as she judg

es horses. She looks beyond appearances and trappings to see what is within.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned sportsmanship to a high degree. Everyone that competes fairly is a winner. Trophies and ribbons may prove someone a winner, but they do not prove someone is a horseman. She has also learned that some people will do anything to win, regard-less of who it hurts. She knows that those who will cheat in the show ring will also cheat in every other aspect of their life and are not to be trusted.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has self-esteem and an engaging personality. She can talk to anyone she meets with confidence, because she has to express herself to her horse with more than words. She knows the satisfaction of controlling and teaching a 1000 pound animal that will yield willingly to her gentle touch and ignore the more forceful and i

nept handling of those stronger than she is. She holds herself with poise and professionalism in the company of those far older than herself.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned to plan ahead. She knows that choices made today can effect what happens five years down the road. She knows that you cannot care for and protect your investments without savings to fall back on. She knows the value of land and buildings. And that caring for your vehicle can mean the difference between easy travel or being stranded on the side of the road with a four horse trailer on a hot day.

When I look at what she has learned and what it will help her become, I can honestly say that I haven't "wasted" a penny on providing her with horses. I only wish that all children had the same opportunities to learn these lessons from horses before setting out on the road to adulthood.

Happy New Year from Boo

Happy New Year to you!!!

Come dash through the snow at Touchstone Farm this winter!

I genuinely hope that 2013 brings you much good health, happiness and joy. As I say my goodbyes to the Holidays, filled with so much wonderful family and so many terrific friends, I welcome in the coming year with great excitement.

I sincerely hope to see YOU soon and often! Whether you come to our Pony Farm Open House, sign up for riding lessons, or come to our Sleigh Rally, our clinics or workshops, the camp gatherings in your area, Family weekends or our horse shows, I am eager to greet you with gusto. Better yet, come on a carriage drive or sleigh ride with me.

I would love to share my love for the farm with you. I look forward to being together and celebrating life. Stay well and be in touch.

Happy New Year’s Day,

Boo

Carriage rides are a Touchstone Farm specialty.